Late this Spring, I walked into a therapist’s office. The conversation began as most do, “So what made you decide to start therapy?”

“My life is imploding.” I said in a rather dry and unmoved way.​

He seemed curious but doubtful. “Imploding? Well, let’s start with why you feel that way.”

Over the next 20 minutes, I outlined the bizarre and confusing sequence of events. He was visibly shaken. He kept apologizing for his shock. All he could muster was, “Wow, your life is imploding.”

Five separate things occurred in the span of six months. Each would supply enough grief to fill a year. And yet they came so fast, one after the other, I could hardly catch my breath.​

The details of those six months could fill a book. Who knows, one day it might. So I won’t attempt to squeeze it all into an email.​

But a small (and not so sweet) update on one of them.​

Almost 8 months ago, my husband passed me a note. It was a short note. Just a few lines. But my mind couldn’t process it. So I probably spent a minute, reading and re-reading. A minute before, I had what felt like a wonderful 21-year marriage. And then, suddenly, it was…not that.​

I wish I could describe the rapid journey from happily married to single. But there aren’t enough words. And the only thing that makes sense is the truth, which isn’t entirely mine to tell. One by one, I’ve talked with dozens of friends. Even after an hour of conversation, it didn’t fully make sense to anyone. They would keep saying, “I have so many questions.” To my reply, “Me too.”

I’ll probably say more at some point about how I moved through the shock and grief. What perspectives kept me from drowning. How I’m trying to reimagine my life and rebuild it in a way that brings me joy and is meaningful. But not today.​
I’ve asked my author and podcaster friends, “How do I explain going from being happily married, to… not? It hardly makes sense to me.” And almost everyone said, “You can’t.”

Adam and I had 21 really incredible years, full of adventure. Now, we are starting this new phase as coparents and friends. I’m grateful for both seasons of our lives. That took a minute to arrive there. But in my heart, I feel settled and grateful and excited about what was and what will be next.​